This is me not caring

So new casual Reagan isn't working out so well. I can't stop thinking about this new guy and if I can actually date him and what's going to happen and what I should do about it and blah blah blah. This is typical, many can attest to this, that I run at the first sign of someone being interested in me. You'd think I just like the game, but I don't, I hate the game, I want things to be simple- I like you, you like me, bam, we're dating. I literally feel like I'm having a panic attack at the thought of having to share my time with someone else other than my friends. I don't know who I'm looking to fill this other 1/3 of my life (1/3 being friends, the other 1/3 being me time- work may take up a fraction of my life, but I won't give it credit). I came to the realization that I'm an asshole. I am. I'm an amazing friend, and I'm bragging, but I honestly would take a bullet for my friends. But I'm an asshole when it comes to guys because I will ditch you the second it gets too complicated for me. And this is before anything even happens. I'm talking about when I just can't take the thinking about whether or not you warrant a fraction of my time anymore. Life's too short to worry about such bullsh*t, and this is what I tell myself when I stop returning your calls (or emails, as has happened before). Yet the people I really try to go after, the ones I really want to see and talk to and spend time with...is it a coincidence they don't like me back? Or am I just a masochist who likes this mental torture? I'm f*cked up..I know this, you know this...but am I really different from everyone else out there? I know of others like me, we need some kind of support group...or mood stabalizer. I don't know, maybe I just need to drink more to loosen me up. I'm like an old woman set in her ways. If something has the potential to change my life in anyway, I freak the f*ck out. Maybe I need therapy. Maybe I just need to chill out. Oy, this is all too much for one mind to comprehend.
Reagan